I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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