It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize