your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
