If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
