Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
