I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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