If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
