But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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