i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
