I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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