she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
