'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
