A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my phone needs a breathalizer
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
