the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
tell me about the eggs
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
