one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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