Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
