I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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