i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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