The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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