yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
