After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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