Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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