I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
