I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
