so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
