The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i permit you to call me
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
then he tried to convert me to islam
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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