It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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