She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize