I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
