i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
