How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
3 2 1 whiskey
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
