i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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