i think i have two assholes
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize