i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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