i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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