I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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