Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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