i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
