Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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