I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just invented taco cereal.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
