Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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