You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So vagazzling was a success
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
