God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
