She's JV to your varsity
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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