last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
