guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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