i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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