All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
