Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
from now on my penis is your penis
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
