She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
