....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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