how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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