Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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