everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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