Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
