so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
