What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
