WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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