Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
