sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
