I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
