the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
