so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
