all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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