Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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