That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
