so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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