I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
