K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
