Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize