U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
