Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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