Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
