he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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