Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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