Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
