put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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