When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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