At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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